I Am Thankful for War

Had to been about twelve years old,
Sprouted in the fall,
Couldn’t quite break the mold,
And my heart matched the sky,
Dull and unnoticed,
And my mom said,
‘Please don’t lose focus,
There’s a reason for these kind of seasons,
You just have to sit back and listen,
To your heart and embrace the cold',
She smiled ‘under all that snow’,
‘Will be a garden to grow’,

It’s a deep feeling in my bones,
To be so young and feel so alone,
Said I’m fine but I,
Can’t seem to bloom,
Were the seeds I was given doomed?

Four years later I had regret,
Had my first fight with my first friend,
Words exchanged I’ll never let them know,
I’m so ashamed you became a foe,
Maybe I was open,
Maybe I was nervous,
Or maybe I did it on purpose,
Cause I feel like my soil has toxins,
That keeps me hanging in darkness,
Planted grief and planted sorrow,
I didn’t ask myself,
Is this really what I want my garden to grow?

It’s a deep feeling in my bones,
To be so young and feel so alone,
Said I’m fine but I,
Can’t seem to bloom,
Were the seeds I was given doomed?

Years pass on and I’m twenty-three,
Isolated from all I used to be,
And numb to all who had hurt me,
I think I had an epiphany,
Moved in me like a symphony,
Had I polluted my own life?
Twisted up like the knife,
That I used,
To extract the poison infused,
Like an iris bruised,
Thoughts I consumed,
‘Was I ever enough?’
This is gonna be tough but, 
I don’t know,
But I think it’s time for my garden to grow,

It’s a deep feeling in my bones,
Whispers in a hallowed tone,
They said ‘she’s fine but she,
Hasn’t bloomed,
Seems to me her seeds are doomed’,

I’m twenty-five and I,
Got some advice,
Took all I had but I survived, 
Cleared the air in my,
Smoking room,
And I think that you could assume,
That I’m tending here,
Real nice and slow,
Blooming more than you could ever know,
It gets better, 
I suppose,
When you give it time for your garden to grow,

It’s a deep feeling in my bones,
Knowing when you truly have grown,
So if I say I'm fine would you,
Put on my gravestone,
That I grew and bloomed,
Into something,
Even the seeds couldn't've doomed.